Day 120: The Woman In Black

Arthur (Daniel Radcliffe) heads off to the arse-end of nowhere to spend time amongst the crazy country folk while he sorts through a dead woman’s documents. Despite everybody being massively weird towards him and the fact he definitely saw a ghost and heard creepy noises, he decides to stay in this big haunted house overnight. The woman who haunts it is grieving the death of her child and whenever anyone sees her, she kills a child in the village.

I’m not sure how she was getting the children to kill themselves? Whenever we saw her with them she just sort of looms in the background. But then, she’s a ghost hellbent on revenge, she’ll no doubt have her ways. Another thing I wasn’t sure about was, how could the boy be so well-preserved in the marsh? But I’ve since googled it and apparently the marsh would act as a natural embalming agent, so. That’s cleared that up for me. Another thing! Why would the people have stayed in the village when so many children keep dying because of the ghost woman? They all knew what the deal was, why didn’t they just move away? Don’t get it.

Daniel Radcliffe’s acting wasn’t all that great, he seemed pretty vacant for the majority of the film. But then, I never liked him as Harry Potter either so maybe he’s just always this way. The story was alright and I was pretty scared, but screaming dead people will do that to you.

6/10

Day 119: How To Make Love To A Woman

Upon realising that his girlfriend of a year has never been satisfied in bed, Andy (Josh Meyers) asks his friends and a bunch of strangers how he could improve.

So I decided to watch this film because the title annoyed me and then the film managed to annoy me just like I thought it would. There is no set way to have sex with a woman that is guaranteed to work, people don’t work like that. While I am willing to accept that there are probably things that are liked by the majority of women, it’s such an individual thing that you can’t just use the same ‘technique’ (don’t even get me started, I hate that bloody word) on every woman and expect it to work. Women are not like computer games and once you have the cheat codes then you’re set. What women like (and people in general) is going to be specific to them and if you’re going to be having sex with someone then you’re going to have to step up and figure out what it is they like and not just assume you know because whoever you’ve had sex with before liked something. Communication. You are not a mind reader (unless you are, in which case, feel free to ignore) so the only way you’re going to know if what you’re doing is everything your sexual partner wants is if you check with them. I’m not saying you need to sit down and hammer out a list (although some people do and that’s probably the easiest way to do it, really) but just ask so then you know whether or not your partner is satisfied. And this works the other way too, you’ve got to tell your partner if you’re not liking what they’re doing or if you’d prefer them to do something a bit differently. Or even just to say ‘keep up the good work’. You’ve got to communicate with each other or neither of you are going to be happy or totally satisfied.

Right, so now that I’ve imparted by wisdom, I’ll get back to the film.

Uuuugggh, such a shit film. I mean, honestly. You’ve been together a year and you’re only now realising that she hasn’t been enjoying the sex? And you, Lauren (Krysten Ritter), you’ve been with him a year and you’ve never told him that you’ve not being enjoying it? I don’t understand this at all. And I don’t understand why he was asking all these strangers about what women like instead of just asking his fucking girlfriend what she would like him to do! Aargh, I am so frustrated.

2/10

Day 118: Chicken Little

After becoming the laughing stock of the town because nobody believed him when he said the sky was falling, Chicken Little (Zach Braff) tries to fit in and make his Dad (Garry Marshall) proud of him. But when the sky starts falling again, he needs his Dad’s support but he just doesn’t believe in him.

When it was obvious that the ‘sky’ that was falling was actually a panel that can take on the properties of its surroundings I thought the film was going to go all Truman Show. That would’ve been better, I think. Don’t get me wrong, I do love some aliens and these ones were cute but I’d have preferred it the other way. Imagine if the whole town was a set and everyone in it had no idea they were being watched, I just love that idea. But I suppose that’s probably not what a Disney film about a tiny chicken would really be about.  I did like the storyline about Chicken Little and his Dad. It’s not enough to love someone, you’ve got to believe in them too.

5/10

Day 117: What To Expect When You're Expecting

Babies are happening; people are having them, adopting them, and sadly, losing them. Becoming a family is a different experience for each of the couples in the film but it helps them come together.

The couples are all linked in some way and are all getting to grips with their pregnancies. I liked that it wasn’t really all that easy for them and that they fought because then they got to say everything they needed to say and could come together again knowing more than before. They helped each other through the difficult times and it means they’ll be better prepared for the even harder times to come.

Pregnancy seems like such a stressful and uncomfortable time and I’m just in awe of people who do it. And a little scared. Pregnant women scare me, I don’t know why. I remember when my sister was pregnant and my little nephew was kicking away in there and I could feel him kicking. It was the most intense thing I have ever felt, I can’t even really put it into words. There was a tiny person in there and he was making sure we all knew it, especially his mum. Whenever I watched films and saw people feeling the baby kick I never really got it but then when I felt it for myself, it was honestly just the most breathtaking thing. Although I suppose if I was actually pregnant and felt the baby kick it might be more breathtaking but it really was amazing. Anyway, I guess the film has made me think that I want a baby, oh dear.

Right, so I totally thought this film was going to be rubbish, I don’t know why but I really thought it was going to just be boring. But I actually liked it. I mean, I probably wouldn’t watch it again but I wouldn’t avoid it.

7/10

Two Novels and a Collection of Poems

Everything You Need by A. L. Kennedy

On a remote island off the coast of Wales lives a little colony of writers. Among them is Nathan Staples who, almost 20 years before, was made to leave behind his wife and daughter. His daughter will be joining the group and he is tasked with mentoring her through her time on the island. The leader of the group believes that surviving near-death experiences is good for you and if those near-death experiences don’t happen naturally then you are within your rights to engineer them for yourself. So the members of the group do attempt to kill themselves (or rather, survive what others would see as a suicide attempt) at various points during their time on the island. We’re taken through Nathan’s attempt when he almost hangs himself in his cottage, which is dangerous enough for him considering he only has the one lung left over after a fight with cancer.

This book is actually excellent. I knew right off that there was going to be some kind of odd relationship between Nathan and his daughter considering he kept putting off telling her that he was actually her dad. At one point she ends up fancying him and it’s just really uncomfortable but also really interesting to read. The whole book is depressing and hard work but it’s absolutely worth it. There are rarely any happy endings but there is darkness all along the way.

10/10

~

The World’s Wife by Carol Ann Duffy

The idea for this book of poetry is really great. Duffy has created poems from the viewpoint of the wives of famous men throughout history. Some of them I really enjoyed but I felt disappointed overall. I was expecting more than I was given.

5/10

~

The General In His Labyrinth by Gabriel García Márquez

This follows the last journey taken by General Simón Bolívar in 1830. I finished this book about a month ago so my memory isn’t that excellent on it but I think that’s because it didn’t really stand out for me. I had high hopes after reading Márquez’s ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’ but this book is definitely different. That’s not to say it’s bad, definitely not, but just different in a way I wasn’t ready for. My knowledge of the history surrounding Bolívar was shocking but the book did spark an interest for me, so that’s always a sign of a good book.

7/10

Day 116: Broken Flowers

After being dumped again, Don (Bill Murray) finds out that he might have a teenage son. His wannabe-detective neighbour, Winston (Jeffrey Wright), sends him off on a journey that will see him revisit 5 of his old girlfriends to try and find out which of them is the mother of his child.

Don seems to just be coasting along, he doesn’t get passionate about anything. Even when Sherry (Julie Delpy) is leaving him, he doesn’t fight for the relationship or even really seem to care all that much that she’s going. When he goes to visit his old girlfriends it is obviously awkward and he doesn’t seem to know what to say or how to act around them. They haven’t seen each other in 20 years, it must be difficult when faced with someone from your past like that. I wonder how it feels.

Anyway, I was thoroughly bored throughout the entire film. I understand that it’s not supposed to be some high drama thing and it’s just about loneliness and whatnot but god, it was just so dull.

4/10

Day 115: Practical Magic

After the death of their parents, Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian (Nicole Kidman) are raised by their aunts. They learn that they are witches and the aunts teach them about the ways of their craft. Life for the women is difficult because the people of the town see them as different and fear them but they come together when it matters.

The aunts cook up a spell to give Sally and Michael a little push into falling in love. And when Sally was a little girl she made up a spell that called for a man with all the qualities that she was sure she’d never find, so that she could never die of a broken heart. She marries Michael and they have two children and they are very happy. When he dies she is devastated, naturally. Later she meets Gary (Aidan Quinn), who is the man she called for as a child, and the two fall in love and are happy. But in both cases magic was used to bring them together and I’m not sure if that means the love is real. At one point Sally says to Gary that they’d never know if they really loved each other or if it was the magic. But then part of me thinks, does it matter how it happens? They feel like they do, so surely that’s what matters. I think if I was in that situation I’d probably doubt it was real and it would end up driving me mad. But they seem to be fine with it, so that’s alright.

What always gets me about this film is that they are witches so it must be easy to get rid of a body? Like, what is the point in being a witch if you just have to bury someone like the rest of us? And they drove all the way from Arizona back to New England. Google Maps is telling me that’s 1363 miles. Surely they could’ve ditched him somewhere along the way rather than take him all the way back to where they live? No?

8/10

Day 114: Hide and Seek

In order to make a fresh start away from the memories of his wife’s suicide, David (Robert De Niro) takes his daughter Emily (Dakota Fanning) off into the country to live in a new house. Emily is having a difficult time with the death of her mother and she ends up with an imaginary friend, Charlie, who gets progressively more violent. But Charlie might not be so imaginary after all.

I’m not really sure how accepting I’d be if my child had an imaginary friend. It would freak me out just so much, I don’t think I’d handle it well. I’m always freaked out anyway by children’s mad ability to see ghosts and whatever. When my nephew was younger, he’d stand up in his cot and stare up into the corner of the ceiling and giggle. Like, no thank you, I don’t want any of that. Obviously in this film it’s a bit different in that (spoilerspoiler) Charlie is actually Emily’s dad, David. He caught his wife cheating on him and, I’m not sure if that’s when Charlie became real for him but it was Charlie who then killed the wife and made it look like a suicide. Then Charlie would play with Emily and tell her things to try and upset David. Eventually David works it out but then he fully becomes Charlie and is just really creepy and trying to murder everyone. He’s chasing Emily but her psychologist, Katherine (Famke Janssen), saves the day. Actually, on second thoughts, I’d much prefer an imaginary friend over a murdery person. Maybe.

I always like it in fiction when someone has Dissociative Identity Disorder. I know it’s such a cliché but it’s just so interesting. De Niro does the difference well, he doesn’t go too over-the-top with Charlie but just manages to add a little danger to his eyes and voice.

7/10

Day 113: Mars Attacks!

Martians have come to Earth and in a surprise turn of events, the response isn’t to just attack them. But perhaps that might have been for the best as the Martians end up attacking instead. Nuking them has no effect so humanity turns to Slim Whitman and his yodelling talents in order to save the world.

I’ve seen this film loads of times, it’s just so easy to watch. I love how ridiculous it is, especially at the end when you’ve got Tom Jones dancing in amongst deer while there’s an eagle perched on his arm. Come on, it’s great. And Jack Nicholson as President of America would clearly be an excellent choice.

8/10

Day 112: Silent House

While helping her Dad (Adam Trese) and Uncle (Eric Sheffer Stevens) fix up their house before it’s sold, Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen) hears a noise coming from upstairs. That noise leads to lots of dashing about and silent screaming (I was actually mighty impressed with that, Olsen is great) and a horrible discovery.

There is barely any lighting to the film, it’s all torches and candles, which leads to feeling really claustrophobic and disoriented. And the juddery camera helps with that feel too. Sarah spends the majority of the time trying to escape from what she believes is an intruder type who has attacked her Dad. While they’re still checking out the house, her Dad stumbles across some polaroids and quickly hides them. Then later her Uncle does the same thing. At one point she hides beneath a snooker table and she hears the camera and a man trying to get a little girl to relax, but there’s another man there too. Turns out Sarah is remembering the abuse she suffered at the hands of her Dad and Uncle and the ‘intruder’ in the film was her all along. She realises towards the end what’s happening and that she's tied her Dad up but he manages to talk himself free and then he beats her with his belt. Well, that is until she kills him with a sledge hammer. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to cheer when that happens but I did.

The fact I could barely see anything for the majority of the film was driving me nuts and I hate the shaky camera shots. But the story was interesting and I liked that it wasn’t just a simple murderery-intruder story.

I’ve decided that since I take notes during the films but don’t necessarily talk about everything in the blog, I’ll put my notes in the comments. Just so you can see how I react to things as they happen. It mainly involves swearing, truth be told. And repeated use of the word ‘babe’.

7/10

Day 111: Due Date

Violent bastard Peter (Robert Downey Jr) is trying to get back to L.A. in time for the birth of his child but things go massively wrong when he meets Ethan (Zach Galifianakis). The two go on an adventure-filled road trip and learn some things about themselves. Obviously.

I’m not really sure people like Ethan actually exist in real life. They're probably the kind of people who end up in a cult. Or murdered because they wanted to check out the puppies some guy in a trenchcoat had in his van. Maybe he’s not that bad though, I think I’d have been able to suffer him much better than Peter did. Peter did end up making everything worse and was just a bastard for the majority of the film. And I understand that he was pissed off at maybe having to miss the birth of his child, but he was just rude to everybody he came across. He punched a kid in the stomach and spat on a dog. I mean, come on. But after getting stoned he lightens up and becomes a nicer guy. He obviously never thought he’d end up liking someone like Ethan but he goes with it.

Peter gets his friend to pick them up after the car wreck and they go back to his house. His friend, Daryl (Jamie Foxx), used to be with his wife years before but Daryl has a recent picture of the two together and he still talks to her a lot. Is it weird when people who used to be a couple spend time together? I never really understand the ‘We can still be friends’ aspect of a break-up, it just seems like it’d be really difficult to do well. But then just never really talking to someone again that you used to be so close with is also strange. Like, one day you’re together and they’re your person, then the next you just never talk. That is odd. My Mum says that being with a particular person is just a habit and when you break up, you’re not missing the person so much as you’re missing the habit and that if you just give it time then you’ll realise the person wasn’t all that important. I’m not really a fan of that opinion, however. But then it seems to follow along the lines of loving someone because of what they do for you and not because of who they are. Surely if you loved them for who they are then it would actually be them you missed, not just the little habits that you shared with them? Although I know it can be hard to really pull apart the love for the person and the love for what they do for you. I’ve gone off on a tangent, I think. Anyway!

The film wasn’t anything spectacular. I liked that Robert Downey Jr’s wife (Michelle Monaghan) was his love interest in ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’. Now that’s a good film. This one, however, was kind of boring in places. I did laugh sometimes but I wouldn’t watch it again.

6/10

Day 110: The Innkeepers

The Yankee Pedlar Inn is closing down, and Luke (Pat Healy) and Claire (Sara Paxton) are anxious to talk to the ghost that has haunted the place for years.

Nooooope. Just, no, thank you. I can’t be dealing with ghostly whisperings and old naked men who’ve killed themselves chasing a girl through the basement. I cannot. It is not something that I can. OK? But if I am to try and talk about the film in some kind of coherent manner then I will say that I liked that it built up to the scary stuff really slowly. And it was genuinely scary. But I suppose I’d say you can take that with a pinch of salt because I am scared of my own shadow, so. One thing though, guys, what is up with people actively seeking out ghosts? Can’t you just do normal scary stuff like, I don’t know, try and live as an adult person in a world that will crush any and all joy out of you? No?

“Let’s go to the basement and find out what that fucking ghost’s problem is.”

7/10

Day 109: Young Adult

Depressed author Mavis (Charlize Theron) heads back to her home town to try and get back together with her high school boyfriend. He’s married and has a child now but Mavis seems to think of it as a challenge and that she will be saving him from a miserable life.

My number one feeling for the entire film was, uuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhh. This could’ve been an interesting story but it just ended up being dreadful. Rather than perhaps explore the mental health problems that Mavis is dealing with, she just gets painted like this nutter who is trying to steal back her ex. We can see she is an alcoholic (or is definitely on the road to being one), and that she’s depressed, and we get quick glimpses of her having trichotillomania (when someone pulls their hair out). It would’ve been much more interesting to see her deal with those issues instead of what actually happened.

Mavis comes to town and phones Buddy (Patrick Wilson), her ex boyfriend, in the hopes that he will come out for a drink. It’s a bit difficult for him to just drop everything and come out now that he’s got a newborn baby but he says he’ll meet her the next day. In the meantime she sees Matt (Patton Oswalt) who went to her high school but who she never really paid much attention to because he was a nerd and she was popular. Over the course of the film the two spend quite a bit of time together; both are lonely and struggling to get past their high school lives and it has left them both bitter. He tries to get her to see that what she’s doing with Buddy isn’t right but she has convinced herself that Buddy wants to be with her. That is until she talks to Buddy, saying that they can take off to the city together and get away from his family life, and he shoots her down. He tells her that everyone just feels sorry for her and that he didn’t even want to see her but his wife made him because she felt bad. Mavis is obviously hurt and she heads over to see Matt and then they have sex. Right, no. He knew how hurt she was and he just has sex with her? Noooope. That is called taking advantage. I get the feeling we’re supposed to like Matt but that plan was blown out the water when he thought it’d be a good idea to sleep with someone who is clearly going through a hard time. Anyway. She then gets a little pep talk from Matt’s sister who seems to be harbouring some love for her (or I just see lady love everywhere, who knows) and she heads off back to the city. But it’s not like she’s learned anything, she hasn’t come away from this knowing what she did was wrong or any of that. It’s more like she thinks she’s better than them and to just forget the place. There is no point in this fiiiillm aaargh.

I’m frustrated by the film’s pointlessness and boring plot. And the acting was hardly stellar either, which is odd considering the cast. And I hate that I'm now saying 'adult' like how Americans say it, god sake. Nothing has gone right here.

3/10

Day 108: Seven

Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman) is working out his last week in the police force and he just wants it to go peacefully. Detective Mills (Brad Pitt) has just been transferred to his department and the two seem to grate on each other. But when a murderer takes to killing people in line with the seven deadly sins, the two work together to figure out who this guy is and try to understand what it is he believes he’s doing. Trigger warning: rape, graphic violence, suicide, mutilation. Really just don’t read ahead. Also, massive spoilers.

Gluttony is the first of the sins we’re presented with. We have an obese man with his hands and feet bound who has been forced to eat until he died. The pain he must have been in had to have been horrendous but the fear of being shot must have been so strong to keep him going on. Definitely a good idea to go with this sin first rather than Lust because if they’d started with Lust, then they’d have taken it much more seriously. But with this one they’re making jokes about the guy and they don’t seem all that bothered by it, even the Captain (R. Lee Ermey) makes it seem almost natural that someone would want to kill the guy. So Somerset and Mills then go their separate ways, as the majority thinking is that the case is a one-time thing. They realise pretty quickly, however, that it's just the beginning of a horrific line of murders.

Next we have Greed. A big-shot lawyer is tortured and bled to death in his office. The murderer (Kevin Spacey) makes him cut off a pound of flesh, for you Shakespearean types. This one is quite clever because the murderer singles out a photo of the lawyer’s wife. She is made to look at photos of the crime scene (nice touch, that seemed like it would be properly distressing) and she notices that the painting in the office is upside down. The detectives then uncover fingerprints on the wall behind it spelling out ‘Help me’, which then leads them over to sinner number 3.

Here we have Sloth. This one embodied in a man who is a drug dealer and child molester. While the other murders were relatively quick affairs, this one was drawn out. The murderer had the victim tied to his bed for an entire year. He barely fed him and I think the idea was that he drugged him too. The man bit his own tongue off but somehow managed to survive a whole year in this torturous desolation. But the damage to his body (and clearly to his mind) was too severe and he dies in hospital. The patience that the murderer had to keep this man alive (albeit barely) for a whole year is so impressive. The other murders all take place over a short time period but this one was different. Now, obviously it makes sense that for the Sloth sin the death would have to be something prolonged but this does seem more special than that. Later the murderer talks about how people just tolerate sins in everyday life because it’s normal. Sloth is about being apathetic, which seems to be the main issue for the murderer here. So it makes sense he would devote such painstaking time to this sin. He even attached tons of those air freshener trees you get in cars to the ceiling, that must’ve taken a long time. So often murders are presented as heat of the moment but then you have ones like these, where it’s drawn out to maximise the suffering of the victim. Chilling.

Then we have Lust. Here we have a woman who was working as a prostitute at the time of her murder. The murderer had his weapon specially made at a bondage gear shop; it’s your usual strap-on harness except it has a huge knife attached to where the dildo would be. He then made a man who was the woman’s client at the time put on this awful contraption and then forced him at gunpoint to rape her to death. This is the murder that really stood out for me. I mean, jesus, what a ridiculously terrifying and painful way to die. I can’t even imagine the pain, christ alive. And the guy who was forced to rape her, he seemed just absolutely traumatised by it. How would you even recover from that? Fuck. The thing with this sin-murder is that she is a prostitute, she’s being paid for this, it’s not like she’s seeking out to have lots of sex. Although, in fairness, obviously I understand people can get into prostitution because they do enjoy sex and want to make money from it. But I reckon that’s probably not the case here. So her Lust sin must be in inspiring Lust in other people, for instance, the man who was traumatised by the murder. So she’s killed for what she does and the man has to live with what he’s done.

Pride is the next one. A woman has a bottle of sleeping pills glued to one hand and a telephone glued to the other. The murderer cuts up her face and cuts off her nose and gives her the option of calling for help and having to live with this disfigurement or to take the sleeping pills and to die there in her bed. This murder was just glossed over too quickly for me, I thought it was fascinating. This woman chose to die rather than to live if she wouldn’t be beautiful. I’m not even really sure what it is I find so fascinating about that but it’s just such an interesting thing. Obviously she was proud of her appearance but maybe she thought she had nothing else to offer outside of it? That maybe it was her best quality? The importance we place on physical attractiveness so often leads to fatal consequences and it always seems odd to me. What is deemed attractive can change quite quickly over time and is different from country to country and even just from person to person. I just can’t believe there’s a universally agreed upon attractive quality. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the murder but I do so like to get sidetracked. Anyway, I wish it had been given more attention in the film.

The last two sins, Envy and Wrath were dealt with together. The murderer goes to Mills’ apartment and spends time in his house, with his wife (Gwyneth Paltrow). He tries to experience what it’s like to live like Mills does, like a person who perhaps isn’t consumed with the need to kill people who are ‘sinners’. And he says he envies him and that that’s his sin. But in order to complete all seven, he has to get Mills to play into Wrath. So he has a box delivered to the field where they are and Somerset opens it and discovers Mills’ wife’s head. Somerset knows that once Mills finds out then he’s going to kill the murderer so he tries to convince him, saying that if he kills him then he’s won. Obviously Mills is distraught and he does kill him. How could he not, really? I’d have done the same thing, I think anyone would. He’s lost his wife and now probably his job since he killed a prisoner and he looks so lost. The murderer definitely won.

Rain is such an obvious choice for films like this but it works just so well. It made everything seem more claustrophobic in a way that I think only rain really can, and it’s helped by the chaotic conditions in the town, where everyone seems to be on top of each other all the time. Rain just covers everything, you’re totally enclosed, even just with the sound of it, you can’t escape it. And in the film, where we basically just have two characters, it makes it seem almost more intimate. These two men are working together closely to solve these murders and they have to do it fast. The rain makes it seem like it’s all happening in a bubble. Then at the end of the film, it takes place in bright sunshine in wide open fields. The case is solved, everything has been brought out into the open. There’s no bubble anymore, it’s all there to be scrutinised.

This film was really well done. I mean, I loved the characters of Somerset and Mills and how their little differences are shown. Somerset has perfectly ironed shirts, he goes to the library to read up on relevant materials for the case, he’s calm and methodical. Mills has crushed shirts, he gets the cliff notes on the books so he doesn’t have to read them all, and he is short tempered and lets himself be controlled by his emotions. They find it difficult to work together but ultimately they’re both understanding of the other. Both seem to hold certain beliefs that are similar to the ones the murderer professes. Somerset is sick of how apathetic people are to the horrific crimes going on around them. Mills wants to work to help the people see the crimes and to stop them happening. Both seem to play into what the murderer believes; he wants the world to take notice of what’s going on around them and to live in a better way. Going about it by torturing and murdering people doesn’t really scream ‘this is the better way’ but he believes he has been chosen to show the world the error of their ways.

Such a brilliant film. I love it when it’s not purely about shock value with the blood and horrific murders, but it actually has a psychological side to it. Just a wonderful, wonderful film. I’m going to have to watch it again and take proper notes so I can really understand everything.

10/10

Day 107: Casanova

You would, wouldn't you? I mean, I don't care what your usual 'type' is, you would. I don't believe anyone wouldn't have slept with Heath Ledger. Look at his face. Easiest decision ever. I went into this film thinking, how could he persuade all these women to have sex with him and disregard all the dangers to their reputation? But two seconds in and it was obvious. He made them feel loved and he obviously gave them a good time, and he was beautiful while doing so. Babe.

Casanova (Heath Ledger) is a man who enjoys the more beautiful things in life, more specifically, he enjoys beautiful women. And he enjoys them often. But after meeting Francesca (Sienna Miller) he isn’t interested in anyone else and does his best to be near her. It all becomes a muddle of mistaken identity and lies but once the truth is known, it’s all about the love in the end.

I loved it when Casanova tries to marry Victoria (Natalie Dormer) and her father is going on and on about how she’s a virgin and she’s never had an impure thought. All the while she’s standing in the background just bubbling with so much sexual frustration that she breaks a birdcage and then later she breaks the bridge. Love it. She just wants some sex, can’t fault the woman there. Actually that seemed to be what everyone wanted. Maggie from The Walking Dead (Lauren Cohan) plays a nun in this and I yelped when I saw her. Love Maggie, she is excellent. And as a sex mad nun is even better, my goodness.

Anyway. Lots of sex and lots of lying. The film was alright, I’m not all that fussed on it, to be honest. Heath is a babe, as always.

6/10

Day 106: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Hearing that the world is going to end in 21 days, Dodge’s (Steve Carell) wife decides now is the time to leave him. After he finally get 3 years worth of mail back from his neighbour Penny (Keira Knightley), he finds that his high school sweetheart wrote to him saying that he was the love of her life and he decides he is going to see her before the world ends. Penny helps him on his journey because she feels guilty that she didn’t give him the letter months before. And in return he offers to get her on a plane that will take her back to her family. But then love happens and changes their plans somewhat.

Penny missed the last planes and is devastated that she can’t get back to England to be with her family, so when Dodge says he knows someone with a plane, the two set off. He is annoyed with her to begin with because he didn’t get to be with his high school sweetheart this whole time due to Penny having the letter but he warms to her quite quickly. After escaping from a drug-induced orgy, the two then have sex in their truck. She tells him she wants him to be her last. They get to know each other and both come to care for each other. He puts her on a plane while she’s asleep so that she can get back to her family even though it means he’ll be without her. And once she comes to, she demands to be taken back to him. So they spend their last minutes together.

Think about how important that must be, to have someone want to be with you at the end of the world. You would be the last person they’d ever see or talk to, and they would want to be with you. I just think that’s amazing. If you’ve got someone who wants to be with you at the end I’d say you’ve hit it big there.

Really loved this film, it made me so upset. This is their last conversation and he tries to keep her calm during the end of the world.

Penny:  I don’t want to fall asleep, OK? Don’t let me fall asleep. Promise.

Dodge:  I promise. What about your parents?

Penny:  They’re romantics, they understand. Besides they’ve got each other and I just want to be with you.

Dodge:  I want to be with you.

Penny:  I couldn't live without you. No matter how long. What do we do now?

Dodge: I just want to lie here with you. I just want to talk to you.

Penny:  What are we going to talk about?

Dodge:  Where’d you grow up?

Penny:  I was born in Surrey, my whole family are from there. My mum was a journalist before she married my dad. They never fought, or at least, we never heard them fight. Charlie’s the oldest then Benny then me. We had a sister but she died when she was born. I still think about her. Oh god.

Dodge:  What was her name? What was your sister’s name?

Penny:  Patricia. Patricia Hope Lockheart.

Dodge: That’s beautiful. That’s a beautiful name.

Penny:  I wish I’d met you a long time ago when we were kids.

Dodge:  It couldn’t have happened any other way. It had to happen now.

Penny:  But it isn’t enough time.

Dodge:  It never would’ve been.

Penny:  I’m scared.

Dodge:  I am madly in love with you, Penny. You are my favourite, favourite thing.

Penny:  I thought that somehow we’d save each other.

Dodge:  We did. Penny, I’m really glad I got to know you.

9/10

Day 105: Conversations with Other Women

A woman (Helena Bonham Carter) and a man (Aaron Eckhart) get to chatting at a wedding but this isn’t the first time they’ve met, they used to be married when they were younger. They spend the night reminiscing about their past life together and it’s all really rather sad.

To start with we’re supposed to assume that the two don’t know each other but it’s obvious pretty much immediately that they were close before. Just the way they talk to each other and how they are together makes it clear. I liked the playful way they talked and how this night was obviously important to both of them. They go up to her hotel room as we all expected that they would and they spend time comparing how they were before to how they are now; he’s put on weight, she’s got a scar and a shorter haircut. It’s almost as if they don’t want to have sex but they both know that it’s what they need and seems to be the natural progression of the night’s events. So they do have sex but it is sad and, as he later points out, it makes whatever they had seem final. They divorced years before (I think maybe 10?) and the whole time he was hoping that if he met her again then they could get back together but he feels like now it could never happen. He tries to persuade her to leave her husband but she isn’t going to and I think he never really expected her to either.

I wonder how often people who used to be so close meet again at a much later date and come together for a short period. It didn’t seem like a healthy thing in the film. He said that he had imagined them meeting again so many times and he was clearly upset that she wasn’t going to stay. She was conflicted because she didn’t want to betray her husband but she also did want to be close to her ex again. They both seemed to accept the sadness of the situation and that what they'll do is inevitable. It must be difficult to really know what to do in that situation. It doesn’t seem such a black and white thing to me, when anything to do with cheating is usually. I can understand that they’d want to be close again, they loved each other so it’s only natural that those feelings would come into play here. It doesn’t seem like it did either of them any good though, and they did both cheated on their partners. I don’t know what conclusion I’d come to if this was to happen in my life and I’m a bit surprised by that.

The film was great, I was expecting it to be rubbish. I loved the fact that the whole thing was done in split screen, it really added something to it. And I liked that we didn’t know their names, they just come together for a night and get to live within the memory of how they were before and then they go their separate ways. It was interesting and sad, which is always my favourite.

8/10

Day 104: Aladdin

Loveable street rat Aladdin (Scott Weinger) meets Jasmine (Linda Larkin) while she’s disguised as a commoner and the two hit it off. But the Sultan’s (Douglas Seale) advisor, Jafar (Johnathan Freeman), tries to use Aladdin to recover the lamp from a very fussy cave. Aladdin ends up master to the Genie (Robin Williams) and tries to be close to Jasmine again.

The number one realisation I had was during the ‘A Whole New World’ song. How obvious is it now that “a magic carpet ride” is totally an innuendo? I mean, come on now, the whole song is littered with them. “Hold your breath, it gets better”? “I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under on a magic carpet ride”? Come on! Clearly worked, she didn’t like him before the song and then afterwards she kissed him. Innuendos are obviously winners.

8/10

Day 103: Mulan

So that her Father doesn’t have to go to war, Mulan (Ming-Na Wen), disguises herself as a man and joins the army in his place (to defeat… THE HUNS). She’s a bit rubbish in training to start with but undergoes a dramatic transformation and ends up being amazing. She deals with the Hun problem, restores honour for her family, and gets a man. Top marks!

I love how different this film is to yesterday’s Cinderella. Cinderella doesn’t stand up for herself and eventually marries a man who she just met because (I’m guessing) he was attractive and danced with her. Mulan, however, tries to do what is right for her family while still remaining true to her character. She saves her Father and the rest of China from death at the hands of the Huns, and she is respected by the men she has trained with in the army.

Really like this film. And the songs are great.

9/10

Day 102: Cinderella

Poor doormat, Cinderella (Ilene Woods), is forced to be a servant in her house after her Father dies. But along comes a chance for her to be free by marrying a man she’s never met before, hurrah what joys. Sadly her cruel Step-Mother (Eleanor Audley) attempts to keep her away from the ball so that her daughters have a shot at the Prince. Luckily, Cinderella’s rodent friends come to her rescue and she manages to get to the ball after all, with a little help from her Fairy Godmother (Verna Felton).

Sky is trying to tell me that this is “Perhaps the greatest love story ever told.” Incorrect, Sir (everyone knows that’s between Sam and Frodo). When the Prince first saw Cinderella she was baffled by the staircase and all he could really make out was her dress. Now, I’m not saying he can’t have fallen in love with her but he was actually taken with the dress, really. Anyway, they dance around for a while and when he goes to kiss her she has to run off or she’ll lose all the glamour that he so loves. What’s the deal with sending the Duke out to find her, anyway? I love that he said he’d marry whoever could wear the glass slipper and didn’t decide to maybe come along for the trip to make sure it was actually the same woman. Clearly it’s a love everlasting that the two share. I’d have much preferred the story to be about Cinderella standing up for herself against the three harpies rather than be a slave to them for most of her life only to be saved by a man who doesn’t even care to ask her what her name is. Also, also, also. When was the first time that all the birds and mice helped her dress and did it freak her out at the time? I’m curious as to what her reaction would’ve been.

Saying all that though, I don’t hate the film. For some reason I remember the fairy godmother having a bigger role but she’s barely in it. Shame, I liked her.

6/10

Day 101: The Aristocats

While writing her will, Adelaide Bonfamille (Hermione Baddeley) plans to leave all her money to her cats until they die and then the money will pass to her butler, Edgar (Roddy Maude-Roxby). Obviously he’s unhappy with that crazy arrangement and he decides to take the cats off into the country so that the money is left to him. The cats make friends with an alley cat and he helps them get home.

Not my favourite Disney film but it’s still a good one. The songs are pretty catchy and the kittens are cute. Talk about moving fast, O’Malley (Phil Harris) is wanting to be the Father to Duchess’ (Eva Gabor) kittens and she wants him to live with them after only knowing each other for a day. I mean, he did look after them and brought them back to Paris but it still seems pretty fast. Disney doesn't waste any time.

7/10

Day 100: The Fox and the Hound

Tod and Copper are an unlikely pair; one is a fox and the other is a hunting dog. But when they’re young they only care about being friends and not the trouble they’ll have later. Sadly they can’t just be friends forever because people must hunt, for some reason.

Disney really knows how to break your heart. First off with the gunshot that kills Tod’s Mother and then later when the old lady leaves Tod in the woods. This is my favourite Disney film and I’ve seen it a million times but I always never really like Copper. I understand that he’s been trained to hunt and he doesn’t have much of a choice about it but he just turns on Tod so easily. You were best friends! That has to count for something. Tod comes to the rescue though when Copper is about to be killed by a bear because he’s a babe.

Tod:  Copper, you’re my very best friend.

Copper:  And you’re mine too, Tod.

Tod:  And we’ll always be friends forever, won’t we?

Copper:  Yeah, forever.

LIES.

10/10

Day 99: Bambi

Bambi is the new addition to the forest and all the other creatures are excited about his arrival. He makes friends and his Mum teaches him various things about the forest. And then humans come along and ruin everything.

I like that I’m now old enough to appreciate the gay subtext in this film. The skunk loves it when Bambi calls him flower and gets all cute around him. Admittedly he does go off with a lady skunk but whatever, that’s what makes it special. He then names his son Bambi because obviously his love for his childhood friend never went away. So gay.

Love this film. I spent the majority of it crying because it’s all just so cute. Then when I heard the gunshot it felt as if my heart actually broke, it’s just the worst sound. Good thing SuperDad is always around, Bambi would’ve been buggered without him constantly stopping by to save him.

“Your Mother can’t be with you anymore.”

9/10

Day 98: The Emperor's New Groove

For the next week (or possibly fortnight, I have yet to make a decision) I shall be watching Disney films. Pretty excited about it, I won’t lie to you.

Recently fired Yzma (Eartha Kitt) wants to kill Emperor Kuzco (David Spade) but she leaves the task up to her nice-but-dim companion, Kronk (Patrick Warburton), and it all goes a tad wrong. Instead of being dead, Kuzco is turned into a llama. Disney!

Pacha (John Goodman) ends up looking after Kuzco even though Kuzco is planning on knocking down his town to build a Summer house. He doesn’t give up on him because he’s convinced that there is always good in people, even if it’s hidden pretty deep. And fair enough, that is true in this case. I’m not really sure I can get behind that though. I understand that people aren’t monsters who are out to hurt people all the time but I’m not sure I could put in the time to find someone’s good side after they’ve been awful. Pacha gives Kuzco chance after chance to prove himself and eventually he comes through. I’m not very good with second chances, I’m a bit of a grudge-holder. I just think that if someone is going to willingly hurt you then why do they deserve a second chance? If it was an accident then obviously it’s a bit different but otherwise, no thank you.

Not really sure how I hadn’t seen this film before but I’m glad I’ve seen it now. Would definitely watch again.

8/10

Day 97: Moonrise Kingdom

Sam (Jared Gilman) and Suzy (Kara Hayward) are young kids in love who just want to be together. They decide the only way that can happen is if they run away together. But naturally the adults involved are worried and they make up a search party to find them, which is populated by khaki scouts, a lonely police officer, an unhappy married couple, and Social Services. Runaway children would be bad enough but there’s a storm coming that makes it all a tad more dangerous.

The acting in Wes Anderson films always takes me a little while to get used to but once I do, I end up enjoying it. The film isn’t too flashy, it’s just a simple story of love and friendship. With a twist of scouts and a secluded town to make it a bit more interesting.

“I love you but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

7/10

Day 96: Beetlejuice

When sickeningly adorable couple, Adam (Alec Baldwin) and Barbara (Geena Davis), die they come back as ghosts who are stuck forever in their house. That would be fine but newcomers have arrived and they want to change the place up. It’s up to Adam and Barbara to try and scare them away but when they make friends with the daughter of the new people, it makes matters a little more complicated.

With all the other dead people we see it clearly shows how they died (suicide, cut in half, etc.) but Adam and Barbara just look normal. They drowned, so surely their ghostly forms would be all bloated from the water? I realise having them be bloated throughout the whole film would probably be rubbish but you can’t have everyone else depicted in the way they died and just ignore it completely with them. I think this is my only problem with the film?

Fun fact: in any film if there’s something about the number of times you have to say/do something for a scary character to appear, I will actively stop myself from saying/doing the things. Part of me thinks it’s silly because it’s fiction. The other part of me thinks that there’s no sense in risking it, y’know?

7/10

Day 95: The Island

Ok, so the picture isn’t technically from the film but there were just too many pictures of Ewan McGregor and not enough of Scarlett Johansson to choose from. My rules.

Curiosity leads to a hell of a lot of explosions. When Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan McGregor) has some questions about the facility where he lives, it leads him to discover that he and the other residents of the facility are clones who are being harvested for their organs. Pretty grim but he rallies like a champ and teams up with Jordan Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson) to escape and make people aware of what is going on.

There is so much running in this film. I mean, I was exhausted just watching them. And explosions all over the shop, but it is a Michael Bay film so that is expected. Some of the fighting scenes I could believe in, y’know, they might’ve happened. But then there’s the bit when Lincoln and Jordan are on the side of the building 70 floors up and they fall off and survive. Wouldn’t have happened. I know it’s a film about cloned people yaddayadda, but you’ve got to keep parts of it believable. Loved the fighting though. Pretty much all of my notes centre around how much of a badass Scarlett is. I’m not even sure what the notes refer to since all I wrote was “Oh my, such a badass” (and other variations along that line) but I’m sure the scenes were great.

I’m not really sure what would happen at the end. All the other clones escape the facility and it’s all pretty dramatic with them running about. But what happens next? Do they just chill with their originals? When the doctor was explaining, he said something about them being like children, so what would they do in the world? Although saying that, he did also say that they removed the sex instinct and that clearly didn’t work considering Lincoln and Jordan violate the proximity rules, if you know what I mean. I don’t know, would quite like to know what they did after they escaped. Probably had lots of sex.

6/10 

Day 94: Despicable Me

Gru (Steve Carell) is losing his status as the greatest villain to new kid, Vector (Jason Segel). To try and regain his power he plans to shrink the moon and steal it but in order to do that he has to use some cookie-selling orphans. Initially he is reluctant to get close to the girls but they melt his heart and he ends up caring for them a great deal.

I quite like this film even though it’s entirely predictable that he’ll end up loving the girls. It’s funny and sweet, what’s not to like?

7/10

Day 93: Grosse Pointe Blank

A professional assassin goes back to his home town and tries to rekindle the relationship with his high school girlfriend.

Martin (John Cusack) ditched Debi (Minnie Driver) on prom night and then took off for 10 years with no word. He then waltzed back in to her life and tried to start up the relationship as if he hadn’t just run off for a decade. And she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing. Then she stumbles across him just having killed someone and has a little freak out. That doesn’t last too long though and she accepts that that’s just what he does. Their relationship seemed a little bit too far-fetched for me, I just don’t believe she’d have taken him back so easily and then when she saw that he killed someone that didn’t seem to bother her all that much. I understand they were in love 10 years before but he ran out on her and she thought all that time that she’d done something to make him take off. It all just seemed a bit too easy and quick.

I’ve always thought I could be an assassin. Not because I have any thoughts about killing people, I just think that if the money was right and the target was a bastard then I’d not have a problem with it.

8/10

Day 92: Breakfast At Tiffany's

Immediately upon moving into his new apartment, Paul (George Peppard) meets Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn) and is instantly taken with her. He spends time with her and seems to understand who she is, eventually loving her for it. Although I’m sure he probably loved her right away, really.

Holly seems a bit fascinating, I’m not at all surprised that Paul loves her. I think it’s great that she does what she wants when she wants to do it. Obviously it’s hard for her and she doesn’t let anyone get close to her but I think that’s good, in a way. It means that eventually when she does let someone in then they’ll be the best because she won’t just let it be any old person. And that’s what happened here. Paul doesn’t seem like a rat or a super-rat, like all the other men she comes across. He genuinely cares for her and wants the best for her. Definitely pleased they got together at the end. In the rain! How wonderful.

For some reason I wasn’t expecting to like this film (I seem to say that a lot) but it was great. As terrible as it may sound, I’ve never actually seen a film with Audrey Hepburn in it before but she was wonderful.

9/10

Day 91: FernGully: The Last Rainforest

Humans are bastards who want to destroy the trees that the fairies live in. But thankfully one human gets shrunk down and realises that trees are actually pretty great and we might want to keep them around. Also, there’s a bat.

I’m not sure how I’ve never seen this film before, everyone is always going on about it. I think maybe I’ve seen it because I definitely remembered seeing the monster machine before but clearly as a child the rest of the film was lost on me. Definitely glad I watched it though, I enjoyed it. Might not watch it again though, once seems like enough.

7/10