Day 119: How To Make Love To A Woman

Upon realising that his girlfriend of a year has never been satisfied in bed, Andy (Josh Meyers) asks his friends and a bunch of strangers how he could improve.

So I decided to watch this film because the title annoyed me and then the film managed to annoy me just like I thought it would. There is no set way to have sex with a woman that is guaranteed to work, people don’t work like that. While I am willing to accept that there are probably things that are liked by the majority of women, it’s such an individual thing that you can’t just use the same ‘technique’ (don’t even get me started, I hate that bloody word) on every woman and expect it to work. Women are not like computer games and once you have the cheat codes then you’re set. What women like (and people in general) is going to be specific to them and if you’re going to be having sex with someone then you’re going to have to step up and figure out what it is they like and not just assume you know because whoever you’ve had sex with before liked something. Communication. You are not a mind reader (unless you are, in which case, feel free to ignore) so the only way you’re going to know if what you’re doing is everything your sexual partner wants is if you check with them. I’m not saying you need to sit down and hammer out a list (although some people do and that’s probably the easiest way to do it, really) but just ask so then you know whether or not your partner is satisfied. And this works the other way too, you’ve got to tell your partner if you’re not liking what they’re doing or if you’d prefer them to do something a bit differently. Or even just to say ‘keep up the good work’. You’ve got to communicate with each other or neither of you are going to be happy or totally satisfied.

Right, so now that I’ve imparted by wisdom, I’ll get back to the film.

Uuuugggh, such a shit film. I mean, honestly. You’ve been together a year and you’re only now realising that she hasn’t been enjoying the sex? And you, Lauren (Krysten Ritter), you’ve been with him a year and you’ve never told him that you’ve not being enjoying it? I don’t understand this at all. And I don’t understand why he was asking all these strangers about what women like instead of just asking his fucking girlfriend what she would like him to do! Aargh, I am so frustrated.

2/10

Day 103: Mulan

So that her Father doesn’t have to go to war, Mulan (Ming-Na Wen), disguises herself as a man and joins the army in his place (to defeat… THE HUNS). She’s a bit rubbish in training to start with but undergoes a dramatic transformation and ends up being amazing. She deals with the Hun problem, restores honour for her family, and gets a man. Top marks!

I love how different this film is to yesterday’s Cinderella. Cinderella doesn’t stand up for herself and eventually marries a man who she just met because (I’m guessing) he was attractive and danced with her. Mulan, however, tries to do what is right for her family while still remaining true to her character. She saves her Father and the rest of China from death at the hands of the Huns, and she is respected by the men she has trained with in the army.

Really like this film. And the songs are great.

9/10