Day 21: The Science of Sleep

Stéphane (Gael García Bernal) returns to France after his father dies and gets a job making calendars. He is insecure and spends the majority of his time wrapped up in his dreams; he can behave how he wants there because he controls the show. He falls for his neighbour, Stéphanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg) but it’s never quite how he wants it to be because he doesn’t trust that she feels the same.

People quite often say that hearing about other people’s dreams is boring unless you’re in the dream. But I don’t find that at all, I love when people tell me their dreams. How could they be boring? Literally anything could happen, they are so fascinating! It’s like hearing a story and the story is linked to the speaker in ways that aren’t always clear but are interesting nonetheless. I’m going to recount my most upsetting dream here because why not, I make the rules. I’m walking down a street and there are zombies everywhere and they’re crying. Actually, ‘crying’ doesn’t really do it justice. They are sobbing and they just look devastated. I want to help them but there’s nothing I can do. They just sit there, staring at me and crying. The sound of them crying has never left me and I’ve never heard pain quite like it. And I feel like a failure because I couldn’t help them.

Stéphane often confuses dreams for reality and it appears to be becoming more problematic; he asks Stéphanie to marry him because he thinks he’s dreaming but then quickly realises and feels humiliated. Sometimes dreams can be so vivid that it’s almost like it actually happened. I hate the dreams where I love someone because it stays with me for days after and it just feels heavy. Exactly like a weight on me. While I don’t normally confuse dreams for reality, I do sometimes confuse daydreams for reality. I have quite a vivid imagination and when I get lost in thought I usually construct elaborate scenarios and conversations, then once they’re over I forget that nothing actually happened. Before I would meet with people I would try to run through every thread a conversation could take so that I could be prepared and have answers at the ready. But I try not to do that anymore because people go off script so often and it throws me off balance. And it’s so disappointing when you hoped a conversation would go one way but it steers dramatically in another direction. I still try to prepare but the script isn’t so rigid anymore.

While I wanted them to be together it obviously wouldn’t work. His inability to reliably distinguish between fantasy and reality would cause so many problems. And he is massively insecure, at every step in their relationship she would have to reassure him. That’s not fair to her at all. Even though she clearly cares for him, he has to work through that before they would have a chance of lasting.

“Things will turn out the way you want if you could just stop doubting that I love you.”

8/10

Day 12: Melancholia

A planet called Melancholia is approaching Earth. Scientists believe it’s going to pass right by without doing any damage but scientists can be wrong sometimes.

During the first 8 minutes of this film all I could think was “Uuuuggh I’ve stumbled upon a dreadful art student’s film.” You’ve got a woman running in slow motion, carrying a child, across a golf course, a beautiful shot of a horse lying down, a bride being attacked by what I thought were branches but turned out to be yarn (easy mistake…). All in slow motion. Pretty sure they could’ve done away with the first 8 minutes. It immediately put me on my guard thinking the film was going to be horrendous when in actual fact, it was not.

We’re treated to the wedding reception of Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgård). The party paid for and organised by her sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and John (Kiefer Sutherland), who don’t let them forget it. Throughout the lavish affair Justine is not happy. It’s clear she has been like this for a long time but it seems to be amplified here. Perhaps because everyone expects her to be happy and isn’t accepting of how she feels. Just because you throw money at something and make it into a massive event doesn’t mean it will make someone happy. Michael leaves Justine because apparently he can’t deal with how she is despite the fact they were obviously in a relationship longer than one night so he would know how she acts. While I can understand the frustration that what you intended failed, I’m siding with Justine here. They all know that this is how she is so to expect her to behave differently just because they put in some effort is selfish.

Claire has clearly been the perfect hostess all her life and she does seem quite the natural. But with the planet looming closer she begins to unravel. The end of the world isn’t something you can manage away, it is real and she finds it terrifying. Her role in the film was the more interesting for me because it followed her descent from perfect hostess to frightened human. Life is going to end and she doesn’t know how to handle it. Her husband tries to reassure her that the planet will pass right on by and it’ll be beautiful and yet she never feels quite at ease. Her fears are confirmed when she finds him dead; he realised what was really going to happen and he killed himself. I thought he was a coward and I’ve never thought someone who killed themselves was a coward before so it was a surprising moment for me.

The film has made me think what I would do if I knew the world was going to end. Would I spend it with anyone? Would I do anything special? And you know, I don’t think I would spend it with anyone. I would try to get to a really tall building and I would watch the world end and I would do it alone. I wouldn’t call anyone to tell them I love them because what would be the point, really? If we are all going to die at the same moment, what does it matter? I can’t take that information with me anywhere (I don’t believe in an afterlife) so it just seems to be a waste. Especially since it would most likely not be sincere; of course you’ll tell people you love them, you’re hardly likely to tell them you’ve hated them all the time you’ve known them. I imagine people will be frantically telling others that they loved them. I love you. I love you? Those are just words. Love is shown through actions and you don’t have time to do anything now because the world is going to end. If you really loved them you would’ve shown them before now.

The world might not end for each of us at the exact same time but when you die, the world has ended for you. And we are all going to die. We forget it, put it off but it is definitely going to happen. If you love someone, why not let them know now? That way you can put your love into action and then it will mean something. Words, at the end of the day, are not enough. Do.

8/10